Top 30 Funny Jokes At New Year

We’ve collected some of the best jokes that we could find and put them into a top 30 list for your reading pleasure. Happy New Year For You and have a great holiday.

The Most Funnies Jokes At New Year

There’s nothing like a good New Year’s joke to help get everyone in the spirit! Here are some of our favorites:

1: Q: Why is New Year’s Eve like a second birthday?

A: Because you get older and older!

2: A man rang up his son on new year’s eve, “Where are you son?” he asked. “I’m in jail,” replied the young man. His father exclaimed, “What did you do this time?” The young man replied, “Well dad, I was walking along the beach when I saw two sweet old ladies with no clothes on; one was pushing 80 and the other was pushing 60.”  “My god,” said his father, “they must have been arrested!” “No” replied the son, “they were both pushing a trolley full of sand.”

3: A lady went to a store and saw a man with a huge head.

“Excuse me, sir,” she said. “I’ve never seen someone with a head that big. What did you do?”

“I’m a genius,” he replied. “I solved a Rubik’s Cube in less than 20 seconds.”

4: Q: What’s the best way to celebrate New Year’s?

A: By putting all your problems behind you!

5: Did you hear about the new diet that’s popular in New Year’s?

It’s called the ‘lose weight by not eating’ diet.

6: Q: What do you call the first one hundred minutes of the New Year?

A: Just a hundred minutes.

7: Why did they cancel the fireworks in London for new year’s eve?

Too many people were letting off their own fireworks and scaring all the animals in Hyde Park.

8: Did you hear about the guy who used to be afraid of flies, but after new years has been enjoying himself catching them? He’s now known as “the human swatter”.

9: This family went down to Florida for their winter vacation and when they got to their hotel room it was already made up. They say ‘thank god we didn’t have to make up our own bed’.

10: A man walks into a bar and asks for a new year’s resolution. The bartender says, “No problem, what is it?” The man replies, “I’d like to drink less this year.”

11: Q: What do you call someone who kisses at midnight on New Year’s?

A: A lip smacker!

12: Q: What do you call the people who stay up to see the New Year in?

A: Party animals!

13: Q: What did one grape say to another grape on New Year’s Eve?

A: I’m so raisin’ you!

14. A man went to a store and saw a woman with a huge head. “Excuse me, miss,” he said. “I’ve never seen someone with a head that big. What did you do?”

“I’m a genius,” she replied. “I solved a Rubik’s Cube in less than 20 seconds.”

15: Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

A: Because they make up everything!

16: A man walks into a bar and asks for a New Year’s resolution. The bartender says, “No problem, what is it?” The man replies, “I’d like to drink less this year.”

17: Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?

A: To find out who stole her eggs!

18 Q: How do you catch an elephant?

A: You can’t they’re very fast!

19: Q: Why did the New Year’s Eve party end so early?

A: Because everyone was a year older!

20: What do you call someone who kisses at midnight on New Year’s Day?

A January-kisser!

21. A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a friend, he looked him in the eye and said… “I am going to make all your dreams come true this year” “How?” asked his friend. The other man replied, “I’m going to put a dollar in your pocket every day”. His shocked friend replied..”Why?”. The man answered…” because it would be too heavy if six men did it”.

22: A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for New Year’s Eve. The husband goes out for a walk, while the wife stays in the room. After a few minutes, she hears “Honey… comes here…stick your head out of the window.” So she does, and her husband promptly shoves a mop with a toilet seat around it into her face. He runs back upstairs only to hear her moaning in pain from all her co-workers bursting into laughter at how he had just given his new bride a wooden overcoat!

23: Did you hear about the scientist who is working on cold fusion?

He is going nowhere fast!

24: Q: What do you call an atom that has lost its electron?

A: A proton!

25: Q: What’s the best way to avoid getting sick on New Year’s Day?

A: Stay home!

26: Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

A: Because they make up everything!

27. Two guys were walking in the park when they saw a woman with a huge head. “Excuse me, miss,” one of them said. “I’ve never seen someone with a head that big. What did you do?”

“I’m a genius,” she replied. “I solved a Rubik’s Cube in less than 20 seconds.”

28: Q: How do you tell if it’s going to be a good year?

A: You can start by licking your elbow!

29: Q: What do you call someone who kisses at midnight on New Year’s Eve?

A January-kisser!

30. A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a friend, he looked him in the eye and said… “I am going to make all your dreams come true this year” “How?” asked his friend. The other man replied, “I’m going to put a dollar in your pocket every day”. His shocked friend replied..”Why?”. The man answered…” because it would be too heavy if six men did it”.